I know a lot of guys who don't want to do drugs anymore, but they don't know how to stop. Even in prison, an underground network feeds their pernicious habits. It is the key motivator for all action throughout the day, all done with an austerity and urgency that only parallels starvation. Not only does the physical craving compel, but the social aspect of abuse further solidifies the status quo. Going against the group requires courage and resolution.

‍

This can be true for habits in general. One guy recently told me he had always been a thief, and that it was the only thing he knew how to do. He said that he had been that way since he was a child. It was clear that he meant what he was saying. I took a deep breath and told him what I tell all my friends here who are struggling.

‍

“You can do it, man. Look, I know that it's going to be a big shock to you and to the people around you, but only you can do what's best for you. You really can do something different. It seems to me that you're hyper-fixated on a single piece of fruit. Take a step back and look at the whole tree. There's a whole lot to choose from, really.”

‍

I think I saw something like tears in his eyes. He believed it. It may not have been some big pivotal point in his life, but I discerned the questions in his gaze. Sometimes, people don't understand how capable they are. They need to hear the truth from an average Joe, not a bunch of tropes from a "specialist."

‍

This is especially true when it comes to math. A lot of the guys here, including me,have been told by their parents and teachers that they're stupid. When you hear something enough, you start to believe it. The last thing a stupid person would think about doing is math, right? On top of that, why on earth would anyone want to do math in prison?

‍

Now, imagine you're an inmate walking around the prison asking people if they want to join your math club. You receive a variety of answers and reactions. Some guys want to punch you in the face just for asking. However, a not insignificant portion is curious. You spend some time walking the yard with them, answering questions.

‍

You come to find out that most guys had never seriously studied math because they had never thought to try. They're excited and really look forward to getting together with you to learn algebra, trigonometry, and maybe even calculus. This is all very counterintuitive. It is almost like something magical has happened.

‍

You then spend a lot of time preparing proposals, finding space to use, and reaching out to the community to find people who will help. Staff gives you the go-ahead. Everything seems hunky-dory, peachy keen, you might even say! You post sign-up sheets around the institution. About 30 people signed up for the math club. That's a big turnout.

‍

You let the necessary personnel know, but there is just one more thing you have to do! It turns out that during the six-month interim that you were waiting for your proposal to get approved, the space you were going to use was allocated to another program. You will now need to write a separate proposal solely for the allocation of space. You do so promptly, and a nice staff member even helps expedite the process. Almost done, but not quite!

‍

Now, your outside sponsors need to write a whole new proposal. There is no way that inmates want to set this up. Everyone's credentials need to be verified. This might pose a security risk. Something nefarious has to be afoot!

‍

I suppose they're right. After all, I'm not learning math for just any reason. I'm using the principles of quantum physics to design an apparatus that will open portals through space-time to the nearest Taco Bell. I hope to smuggle in dozens of chicken chalupas at a time. I'll develop a vast underground syndicate, and I'll be the most dangerous man in prison!

‍

Most people don't know of my plans. They're just in it for the math. They've spent months and years doing the same thing. They want to try something different, and they recognize the need for a community centered on something positive. We all need this, but we will have to wait patiently. In the meantime, we do what we can.

‍

Today, that took the form of heckling a staff member for ten minutes to explain to someone else not on my tier how to derive the quadratic formula. It didn't click with him immediately. He asked me if he was stupid. After I assured him that he wasn't, he was visibly relieved. Sometimes, that's all we need to hear to believe in ourselves!

‍

I guess it comes down to what we do in real time. It's the people who try to make the world a better place despite circumstances that make it better, not those who try because of them. It’s people like you. You guys who volunteer to help us here deserve a real shout-out. You rock!

‍

Header photo by Luis Alvaz via Wikimedia Commons.

‍

‍

‍